


Don't Call Me Angel

by davethefish



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:06:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23402689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/davethefish/pseuds/davethefish
Summary: Crowley and Aziraphale don’t switch bodies in Ep 6. Crowley rises and Aziraphale loses his post on Earth.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Ineffable Husbands - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Don't Call Me Angel

**Author's Note:**

> ok i wrote this at like 3am and haven't really edited it yet. i also don't love where it ended up but it's finished and i thought i'd post it anyway. also, apologies if i wrote their characters wrong, i'll edit later. also the title is a work in progress and has no relation to that song.

“Aziraphale! Good to see you. I think you’re going to like this.” Gabriel smiled coldly at Aziraphale, who was tied in a chair. “I heard that you love your post on earth from a friend. Because you stopped Armageddon, you get to fill out paperwork until… until you’re finished I assume.”

“Paperwork?”

“Yeah, discorporation, stopping Armageddon, you have a lot of explaining to do. The Almighty does not want you to Fall but allowed us to take away what meant most to you—the Earth.” Gabriel sneered.

Uriel untied Aziraphale and led him to a desk. There were three stacks of paper, all close to a meter high. Aziraphale sighed inwardly. This was going to be a long eternity. He only hoped Crowley fared better.

There was a muffled hissing sound coming from the escalator and angels started to walk briskly away from it, except for Gabriel.

“Aziraphale! Get over here.” Gabriel commanded, standing over by the escalator.

Aziraphale walked over, seeing Michael struggling with some sort of white rope.

No, not white rope. White snake, red belly, yellow eyes.

“Crowley?”

“This is Raphael. The demons kicked him out of Hell for stopping Armageddon, the Almighty made him an angel again.” Michael huffed, pulling the snake up the escalator.

“Aziraphale, get Raphael from Michael.”

Crowley transformed back into his human form. He was wearing white robes, his sunglasses were long gone, and his short fiery hair and yellow eyes clashed with the sterile Heaven. If the angels weren’t watching, Aziraphale might have kissed him—finally. Crowley glared at the angels.

“Raphael. You assisted in stopping Armageddon, your punishment has been fulfilled, please stand by for your position.” Michael glared right back at Crowley.

“Earth. He’s taking Aziraphale’s post on earth.” Gabriel crossed his arms, glaring at Crowley.

“My name is Crowley.” He hissed.

“No, it’s not. It’s Raphael. You are the fallen Archangel.” Gabriel smiled. He was enjoying this. Of course he was. Aziraphale without earth was Crowley without being a demon, it was torture.

“I’m not answering to that foolish name.”

“Raphael, you will take Aziraphale’s post on earth and depart immediately.” Gabriel waved his hand and Crowley disappeared in a flash of light.

“Crow--Raphael doesn’t know where my post was, may I show him to it?” Aziraphale asked, feigning innocence.

“Raphael knows exactly where he’s going, Aziraphale. We know you two are practically inseparable.” Michael huffed, turning away.

There was a roll of thunder and Crowley stood just where he had been a few seconds prior.

“Oops. Looks like I got discorporated because I got hit by a car.” Crowley smiled a little at Aziraphale, winking.

“Aziraphale will get you a new body and fill out your paperwork.”

Crowley walked toward the angel, grabbing his shirt and dragging him to a corner of the office.

“I don’t want to be here.” He hissed.

“I know, I want to be back on earth too…” Aziraphale looked wistfully out the window.

“No, I don’t want to be an angel.” Crowley’s eyes glinted.

“Why not? We can finally love each other.”

“Ok, first off, Michael and Gabriel are going to see that we can’t ever be together. Secondly, I have been swamped by love ever since I got re-angeled, it’s frankly a bit overwhelming. Did you know that Beelzebub loves Gabriel?”

“Really?”

“Does that mean all angels can feel our love?”

“Yes. All angels can feel human love. But only the Archangels can feel all love, occult and ethereal, and you are an Archangel. I think only Gabriel knows, but he can’t say anything because he loves Beezelbub.” Aziraphale smiled. “Black mailing would be nice.”

“First I have to find a way to go back to Hell.”

“Back to Hell?”

“I can’t stand being an angel. I hate Hell but I much prefer being a demon.”

“Do you remember anything from before your fall?”

“No.” Crowley looked down. He was lying.

“You’re lying.” Aziraphale took Crowley’s hand.

“Fine. But I can’t talk here. Give me my body back and find a way to go to earth. There’s a lot to unpack here.” Crowley dropped Aziraphale’s hand and walked over to his desk.

Aziraphale grabbed a paper from the top of the third stack of papers. “Hold on, let me fill out these discorporation papers.”

“Angel, I know you think me being an angel solves everything, but angels still aren’t supposed to love each other. We had a side beforehand. I’ll find a way to get us back to the way we were.”

“Your body.” Aziraphale passed Crowley the paper. “I’ll meet you on earth in a few. Don’t get discorporated again.”

Crowley smiled a little, before going back to earth and appearing in the angel’s bookshop.

“I know he had a communication link somewhere.” He poked around in the bookshelves before glancing at the floor. “The rug.”  
He moved the rug, placing candles at each of the points. “This is the Archangel Raphael. I wish to speak with the principality Aziraphale. He gave me a faulty body.”

One solitary sphere of light descended into the circle, Aziraphale appearing in the midst of the light.

“Faulty body? That was the best body I could summon.” He glared.

“Yes, it’s a good body and the one I know, but it’s covered in tartan!” Crowley was wearing head to toe tartan, though it was in the shapes he liked, he longed for the dark colors again.

“You look good.”

“You just like the tartan.” Crowley snapped his fingers, turning his outdated tartan outfit back into what he loved wearing.

“Tell me about what you remember.”

“I knew you before the Fall.”

“You...you knew me?” Aziraphale stumbled, knocking a candle over.

Crowley snapped again, extinguishing the candles. “You were one of my star builders. You never made anything, as you’re only a principality, but you talked to me about Alpha Centauri. You wanted two stars to be eternally circling each other, just like us. Once we all fell, they took those who knew us and erased their memory. Those who fell were not so fortunate to get erased memories. Did you ever wonder how I knew your name?”

“I did actually.” Aziraphale stepped toward Crowley. “Why did you never tell me? We’ve known each other for 6,000 years!”

“Gabriel was the one who erased your memory. I knew he would get after you and I didn’t want to lose you.”

“We’ve known each other for more than 6,000 years, and you’ve never even mentioned it!”

“Angel, I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to be in danger.”

“Don’t. Don’t talk to me.” Aziraphale’s eyes welled with tears.

“Angel--”

Aziraphale shot Crowley one last look and turned his head toward heaven and disappeared upward.

“Angel--” Crowley reached upward, as if doing this would bring his love back.

Aziraphale was back in Heaven, fuming as he started on his stack of paperwork.

“Aziraphale. Nice to see you again. Got Raphael’s body all sorted out?” Gabriel stacked more papers on his desk.

Aziraphale kept his head down, silent, knowing this punishment would make eternity last longer than it already does.

***

“Crooooowwwwleyyyyy.” Hastur’s sing-songy voice echoed through the bookshop.

Crowley shivered. How’d they find him? What did they need? Hadn’t he locked the door?

Crowley wasn’t Crowley, the demon anymore. He was an angel. He had all the holy water he needed.

Quickly, he grabbed his plant mister and blessed it. He hoped he did it correctly. Time was running out.

“Crooooowwwwleyyyyy.” Haster’s voice echoed again.

“Coming, Hastur.” Crowley hissed. Haster was walking around the bookshop, knocking over books and rubbing his gross hands all over Aziraphale’s stuff.

“Crowley.” Hastur looked him up and down. “You don’t look very angelic.”

“Hastur. Nice to see you too.” Crowley glared at the demon.

“I’m the new earth operative.”

“How’s that working for you? Do the humans still say you smell like poo?”

Hastur glared back. “I was hoping to come here and see if we could come to an agreement. Like you and your… friend,” he snarled.

“Aziraphale is not my friend.” Crowley raised the plant mister. “Remember this?”

“I do.” Hastur held up a briefcase. “I came prepared.”

“Hellfire?”

“Yes. We seem to be at a stand still. Have we come to an agreement?”

“Fine. Maybe I’ll fall and you’ll have to deal with me again.”

Hastur narrowed his eyes. “Don’t make me open the case.”

Crowley raised one eyebrow and the plant mister simultaneously.

“I won’t open the case.” Hastur may have ordered Crowley around when he was a demon but Crowley was a full-fledged archangel now.

“What’s your next mission?” Crowley asked, placing the plant mister down on the desk.

Hastur smiled, fiddling with the briefcase.

***

“Aziraphale!” Gabriel’s voice echoed through Heaven.

Aziraphale woke up. He had fallen asleep on his paperwork. He stood, fixing his jacket and bowtie before rushing over to Gabriel, who stood looking down on London.

“Your post is on fire.” Gabriel said dryly.

“My bookshop?” Aziraphale peered through the clouds, seeing smoke from Soho.

“None of the angels want to help Raphael. Go see if he needs help.”

“That might be hellfire.” Aziraphale looked into Gabriel’s eyes, seeing hidden glee.

Gabriel shrugged. “Your punishment.”

Aziraphale walked over to the globe, touching London.

He appeared outside the bookshop. He heard a scream. It didn’t sound like Crowley, but what if it was?

“Crowley!” He yelled into the flames. Aziraphale knew Crowley went to rescue him from the flames of the bookshop before. But Crowley was a demon then. Aziraphale would die. He wouldn’t be helping Crowley if he died. He must find someone. Fire department? Aziraphale ran down the sidewalk, twisting through the streets.

***

“What’s your next mission?” Crowley asked, placing the plant mister down on the desk.

Hastur smiled, fiddling with the briefcase. “You.”

He opened the briefcase, hellfire encasing the room.

Crowley stumbled backwards, closing his fist around the plant mister on the desk.

He closed his eyes, knowing his end was soon. At least he wouldn’t be an angel anymore. He just wouldn’t be anything. Gone.

He should’ve known better than trusting Hastur. “Well, if I’m going, I might as well bring Hastur with me.” Crowley raised the plant mister. He aimed forward, hoping the holy water would destroy either the hellfire or the demon.

Hastur screamed. How was Crowley still alive?

Crowley opened his eyes. He wasn’t dead. The bookshop was on fire. Hastur was gone. The holy water must have gotten him. The briefcase lay smoking at Crowley’s feet. He snapped, extinguishing the fire.

Crowley took off his jacket and shirt, laying them on Aziraphale’s desk, he couldn’t have them ruined. He opened his wings, walking over to a mirror.

They were neither all black nor all white.

They were a mix of the two, white and black feathers sharing his wings.

“I’m not an angel anymore.” Crowley said to the mirror, touching one of his wings. “I’m not a demon. I don’t know what I am.”

***

Aziraphale stopped. He could feel Crowley. He was still alive. Aziraphale turned around, heading back to the bookshop, which wasn’t on fire anymore. In fact, it was gleaming like it was never touched by a flame.

“Crowley?” Aziraphale opened the door.

“Uh hold on!” Crowley’s voice sounded strained like he was hurt.

Aziraphale continued to the back of the shop. Crowley was hunched over, shirtless and covered in white and black… feathers?

“Crowley?”

“Angel. I said, hold on.” Crowley sounded pained.

“What’s going on here?”

Crowley turned around, the feathers following him. He stood before Aziraphale, shirtless, with his speckled wings folded behind him. “I don’t know.” Tears were streaming down his face.

Aziraphale took it all in. His chest, his wings, his face. He walked up to Crowley, placing his hand tenderly on Crowley’s face, wiping away the tears.

“My dear boy… what happened to you?” Aziraphale took his other arm and held Crowley tight.

Crowley buried his head into Aziraphale’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around his angel.

“What happened to you?” Aziraphale questioned again.

Crowley just shook his head.

“Later will you tell me?”

Crowley nodded.

“Now let’s just sit. Would you like to put away your wings? I can fetch you a jumper.”

Crowley put away his wings, going to sit on the new couch in the back.

Aziraphale grabbed a large jumper from his closet, putting away his jacket and taking off his vest as he did so. It felt good to be back on earth. He handed the jumper to Crowley, who just stared at it. Aziraphale gently took the jumper back and slowly helped Crowley into the comfortable jumper.

Aziraphale wrapped Crowley in a hug, miracling a blanket around the two.

“It’s been too long, Aziraphale.” Crowley sniffed.

Aziraphale was shocked. Crowley rarely called him anything other than Angel.

“I know, my dear. I’m sorry. I was mad, I just--” Aziraphale stammered.

“May I kiss you?” Crowley interrupted. Aziraphale stopped and slowly nodded, pressing his lips against Crowley’s.

Aziraphale moved his hands to the back of Crowley’s head. Crowley moved his hands to Aziraphale’s front, unbuttoning his shirt. Aziraphale took hold of Crowley’s jumper, which he had just helped him into, and took it off. They continued like this, slowly taking each other’s clothes off. It was like they had done it before, a holy ritual between two beings older than time itself.  
Aziraphale opened his wings without thinking and Crowley copied, showering Aziraphale with black and white feathers. Aziraphale stopped.

“Crowley. Your wings.”

“I don’t care about them now, angel. All I want is you.” Crowley held Aziraphale down.

“Crowley. Your wings.” Aziraphale repeated, trying to push Crowley off of him.

“Angel, not now.”

“Your wings, Crowley. Tell me what happened.” Aziraphale threw Crowley off of himself.

Crowley flew against the nearest bookshelf, then slammed into the floor.

Aziraphale sat up, gasping. He had forgotten to not use his full strength.

Aziraphale stood slowly, walking over to Crowley.

“Dear…” Aziraphale started, snapping to miracle the books off of Crowley without thinking. “I’m sorry?”

“You’re fine, angel. You deserve to know anyway.” Crowley stood slowly, finding his pants near the couch and putting them on.

Aziraphale reached for his shirt but Crowley grabbed his wrist. “Don’t. I want to see your wings.”

Aziraphale summoned his wings, showing Crowley the pure white of an angel. Crowley opened his, holding his wing to compare with Aziraphale.

“The feathers are white, that’s for certain. Some are black.” Crowley said under his breath.

Aziraphale touched his wings. “How’d they get like this?”

“I don’t know.” Crowley smiled, putting his wings away and getting dressed.

“Tell me what happened.” Aziraphale finished tying his bowtie, satisfied with how he looked, until he realized he wasn’t wearing pants.

“Looking for these?” Crowley smiled, holding up the angel’s pants.

“Give them here, my dearest.”

“Only if you kiss me again.”

Aziraphale kissed Crowley, taking his pants from Crowley’s grasp.

“It was a month after you left. Hastur was sent to fill Hell’s earth post and he came after me, to have an arrangement like ours. I had holy water but he had hellfire so I couldn’t do anything. We were at a stand still, so for a little moment, I trusted him. Then he opened the briefcase.” Crowley sat down on the couch, which was covered in feathers. Aziraphale followed suit. “The bookshop became encased in hellfire. I had the holy water in my hand. I knew I was going to die so I wanted to take him with me, or at least create some sort of guard from the hellfire with the holy water. I destroyed him, and I realized I was still alive.”

“You survived hellfire?”

“And holy water, yes. I opened my wings because I didn’t know how I was still an angel, and I realized I was nothing. Neither an angel nor a demon, I’m all alone.”

“You’re not alone.”

“I want you to come with me.”

“I can’t do that, Crowley. I’m not falling.”

“You won’t have to fall.”

“Just how would I survive hellfire, my dear?”

He shrugged. “I was going to think about that after the fact.”

“So you would just send me to my death with the possible chance that I might join you?” Aziraphale stood angrily.

“Angel, if the Almighty didn’t let you fall before, do you think she’d let you fall now?” Crowley stood as well.

“It’s not falling, Crowley! It’s suicide!” Aziraphale walked to the door, as if to leave. “This is my shop, I’ll have it back now. Thanks for looking after it, now goodbye.” He opened the door to let Crowley out, letting the cold wind in.

“What do you want me to do? Go back to heaven?” Crowley walked to the door.

“We’ll take you there ourselves, thanks.” Gabriel walked in. Sandalphon and Uriel followed.

“Gabriel.” Crowley stopped in his tracks. “The demons are after me.”

“You know full well I’m not dumb enough to believe that. You’re one of them aren’t you?” Gabriel stepped over an open book in the entryway.

“I’m not one of them, Gabriel.” Crowley frowned. “Consult the Almighty and you’ll see.”

Uriel grabbed Crowley’s arms, kicking at the back of his knees. Crowley’s knees hit the floor. Sandalphon grabbed Aziraphale.

“On your knees, traitor.” Sandalphon snarled. When Aziraphale didn’t go down fast enough, Sandalphon kicked the backs of his knees, collapsing him just like his lover.

“Show us your wings.” Gabriel commanded.

“No.” Crowley said, looking up at Gabriel. Uriel hit the back of his head, forcing him to look at the floor again.

“I command you, as your higher up, show us your wings.” Gabriel repeated.

Aziraphale cried out as his wings appeared from Gabriel’s command. It would destroy Aziraphale if he fought against a direct command from an Archangel.

But Crowley wasn’t an angel. He was above all angelic authority, beside the Almighty herself.

“Aziraphale is still an angel, though this is two strikes. Take him back to head office.” Gabriel told Sandalphon. Sandalphon and Aziraphale disappeared in a bright flash of light.

“Show us your wings, traitor.” Uriel hit Crowley’s head again.

“I will not.” Crowley tried to stand, to force himself out of Uriel’s grip, but he wasn’t strong enough. After spending so much time with Aziraphale, who watched his strength, Crowley often forgot that angels had immense strength. Not that Crowley was weak. By human standards, he was above the Olympic athletes. It’s just common knowledge that angels who fell lost a portion of their power, leading to a loss of strength. Thus, if you were to ask whether a demon or an angel would win a fist fight, it’s usually the angel.

“We’ll get the Almighty on our side and she will make you show us your wings.” Uriel snarled.

“You both know that the Almighty favors me.” Crowley smiled. “If it makes you feel better, I will show you my wings. But you can’t do anything about it.”  
Crowley opened his wings, hitting Uriel in the chest and knocking her to the ground.

“I am neither occult nor ethereal. Good luck trying to give me orders now.” Crowley stood, walking out of the bookshop, and flying toward the sun.

“He’s gone native.” Uriel stood.

“He’s Icarus. He’ll come crashing down to us someday. We have Aziraphale. Raphael won’t be gone too long.” Gabriel smiled. “Let’s go visit our dear Aziraphale.”

***

Crowley kept flying, imagining he was somewhere beyond the spheres of Heaven and Hell. Aziraphale was gone, taken by Heaven. There was no limit to the amount of terrible things they could do. They had been merciful once, he knew they would not be merciful again.

The sun, his target, expanded and engulfed the world in flames. Crowley stopped flying, looking down on the earth.

It wasn’t the earth anymore, it was almost like a sphere made of clouds. Crowley dived back down toward the globe.

Once he got past the clouds, the world beneath him opened up. There were so many plants covering the globe, every variety that Crowley would have loved to grow in his flat. He landed, hiding his wings and reaching out to touch the leaves of the brugmansia. Angel's trumpets.

“Crowley.” A soothing voice cut through the leaves. Crowley spun around. The leaves parted and a woman walked through the grove.

“Mother?”

She smiled. “Hello, my dear Crowley. I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Me?”

“Yes. I have allowed you to rise again. What I didn’t expect is for Hell to come after you with fire. You have not fallen again, I will not allow it.”

“So what am I? Raphael? Crowley? Crawley, even?”

“You are whoever you desire. I gave you the name Raphael. The demons called you Crawley. You named yourself Crowley. You choose whatever fits you best.”

“I rather liked the name Crowley.”

“I know.” She smiled.

“Almighty, I am curious, what am I?”

“Rather like me, I suppose. I don’t have wings and I do belong to Heaven, you belong to neither.”

“I’d rather like to belong with Aziraphale.”

“I know. You two have figured out the true nature of my creations--to love.” She reached out, placing her hand on his shoulder. “Let’s go visit them, shall we? Gabriel is just about to begin a call to me. Hold my hand.”

Crowley held her hand and they disappeared in a flash of light.

***

“Aziraphale. So glad you could join us.” Gabriel smiled at Aziraphale, tied to the chair. “This is your second strike. We will consult the Almighty for this. Start the call.”

Before the window to the upper spheres could be opened, a bright orb appeared before Gabriel.

“Kneel!” Gabriel hit the floor. “The Almighty is here.”

The light faded and Aziraphale glanced up. He had never seen the Almighty in person, but there was something familiar about the energy of the orb. There, standing next to her, was Crowley. Aziraphale smiled, he couldn’t help it.

“My angels, what seems to be the problem?” The Almighty smiled. “You can stand up now.”

“Thank you for bringing us Raphael, we’ll take him from here.” Sandalphon stepped forward.

“Name’s Crowley.” Crowley hissed, opening his wings. “I don’t belong to you.”

“Aziraphale, stand.” She snapped, untying the bonds.

Aziraphale stood, fixing his jacket and vest, as he always did.

“Come forward, dear.”

He stepped forward.

I release you from your duty, Aziraphale. You two have shown the true reason I created humans, to see love.”

“Duty?” He stammered.

“As an angel.”

Aziraphale opened his wings, seeing them fade to a dull grey. That wouldn’t do, he prefered the white.

“I rather preferred the white.” He looked back toward the Almighty. Crowley snapped, white spreading over the wings.

“As do I, for you. Black’s more my speed.”

“I agree.” Aziraphale smiled, trying to forget the hurt the angels before him caused. “I don’t understand, what are we?”

“Whatever we desire.” Crowley smiled, reaching out his hand.

Aziraphale grasped it tightly.

“Where shall we go, Angel?”

“Alpha Centauri?”

Crowley smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! leave edits in the comments if you so desire. :)


End file.
